Freewrite

I suppose I'll write about how i know not what to write. All these thoughts that cloud my head and that surface my deepest emotions I don't want to expose to eyes other than my own. All of these thoughts are of insecurities, worries, and problems that exist in my life, these burdens no one needs to know nor carry except myself. Isn't it amazing how I began this with no knowledge of what was to come out of my pen, and emerged this paragraph from where, I don't know, but so far this release is comforting.
Have you ever wished you could escape? Leave and run somewhere unknown to you, so that your location was unknown to the world? Or even just escape to your dreams, not for the purpose of sleeping and to close heavy eyelids, but to find where your dreams will take you and escape the current world you're in. Sometimes my state of being is so dazed it's off somewhere else unable to return so that I remain in a dreamlike stooper. How odd that distant thoughts and dreams, that you try to grasp, change your present and alter your current reality. Were not dreams, thoughts, and desires necessary for those who have achieved greatness, good or bad? Didn't before the accomplishments of great people became reality they had to dream it and dwell on that dream, for it to cease to be dream and continue as solidified action? For those who say, "It isn't good to dwell on dreams," I strongly disagree. Dreams don't need a time or a place, or they'll be lost as soon as they come or you will never truly have time to grasp one. It's like driving with no destination, and when people ask you where you are going, what will you answer? You can say, "No where," or "I haven't given much thought to it." But once it is brought up, that you should have a destination then it will keep you up all night. You will succumb to insomnia for your thoughts will race just to find the answer to a simple question.
Yet, the truth is it's not a very simple question. Who really ever knows where they are going, they sometimes know where they want to go, but rarely ever. This is about your future, your dreams-this question, "where are you going," can mean and ask twenty different things at once, and there is no wrong answer, is there? Yet, there is always a better answer, this all depends on what you are implying or the context that it's in. The truth is no one truly and fully is able to answer, "Where are you going?" If I ever come across a person who knows exactly where they are going, how they will get there, and who actually does achieve this in the way they were going to, I'll eat my pen. And if this person does exist they're going to have an extremely unamusing and boring life. Where's the excitement? It just seems such a gray and dingy way to live. Yet, how helpful, to know where you will end up and how you will get there. Right now I feel as if I am about to go into a ptch black hallway and never know when I will reach a door, or if it is even the correct one. This similie and reality is even more disturbing because I'm afraid of the dark and the idea of entering a pitch black and unfamiliar hallway, all alone is one of the most frightening things in the world to me. But then again would I want it to be lit and to know what was behind every door? I don't know, but I am so scared....oh how i wished I had a candle!