DANGER! For a sorority .

Hello girls! I’ve heard some rumors about young ladies, in this particular house, sniffing their nail-polish remover. As I understand, it gives you a buzz and a light dizzy feeling, as if you were taking a real drug. This is extremely concerning since: One: It’s extremely dangerous. Two: You’re in college and should be smart enough to realize how stupid this idea is. And Three: Your old enough that you can at least obtain a substance that is a bit higher in class.

We understand that you enjoy it and that it is a high that is readily available. Yet, that is no excuse to do it. You need those materials for your nails and not to melt your brain. Don’t you realize that doing this can kill you? Acetone, a main ingredient in nail-polish remover, is toxic and can poison you. It is also a chemical found in cigarettes and can cause cancer. And I doubt any of you young ladies would appreciate having a mastectomy.

One of the most troubling problems with this is your intelligence level. Some of the dangers of acetone are covered in high school health, when you are a sophomore, and are studying the dangers of cigarettes. The fact that none of you knew this or that you all decided to disregard the information about acetone is just down right dumb. And if we find that any of you are sniffing this chemical, then we have to expel you partially because you obviously have the IQ of a toad. In fact if this habit continues, you may end up looking like one.

My last reason clearly explains itself, but I will elucidate for your apparently puny minds. You girls are old enough that you should have: One: Higher standards and class than to sniff nail-polish remover. Two: At least have better connections, by now, better and classier substances (not that we are promoting it, but it’s really just pathetic). And Three: Have better sense and tactfulness than let us find out about your stupidity.

So, the moral of the story, girls, is that sniffing nail-polish remover is dangerous, stupid and pathetic. You will be expelled if we find out that you have done anything of the sort. Have a wonderful day, and please keep out of the chemicals.